Happiness....

For me happiness is such an elusive thing. For so long it totally eluded me and I had no clue how to be happy. It seems like a very simple concept really. Until you try to define it. And I found that I couldn't. Happiness as defined in the dictionary is :

hap‧pi‧ness  /ˈhæpinɪs/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[hap-ee-nis] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun
1.
the quality or state of being happy.
2.
good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy.
[Origin: 1520–30; happy + -ness]
—Synonyms 1,Pleasuresure, joy, exhilaration, bliss, contentedness, delight, enjoyment, satisfaction. Happiness, bliss, contentment, felicity imply an active or passive state of pleasure or pleasurable satisfaction. Happiness results from the possession or attainment of what one considers good: the happiness of visiting one's family. Bliss is unalloyed happiness or supreme delight: the bliss of perfect companionship. Contentment is a peaceful kind of happiness in which one rests without desires, even though every wish may not have been gratified: contentment in one's surroundings. Felicity is a formal word for happiness of an especially fortunate or intense kind: to wish a young couple felicity in lifeantonymonymMiseryisery.

Okay, so I would agree with that definition. I got it from the Dictionary. However, if you have never had happiness to begin with how do you go about recongnizing it? Well, I got lucky and found someone who knew happiness more than me and showed me what it is like to be happy.

But sometimes, old habits die hard and slow. And I fall victim to that evil little voice that tells me that I am not happy. Yes, I said evil, because it is. It likes to suck the happiness right out of your life and when it is successful it says "See, you were never happy, it was an illusion." I kid you not that is what the evil voice says. No really.

I fight evileveil voice more than I care to admit and sometimes I find myself falling prey to it's words. Even though I know that I am happy. Sometimes I have to tell myself out loud " I am happy, damnit" Yeah, I get funny looks. I am used to that. But it makesevileveil voice of mine go away.

I am looking forward to the day when I will never hear from that evil bastard again. Yes, my evil voice is a man, isn't yours? But I take everyday as it comes and I battle everyday because the day that I give up is the day that trulyruely dead.

I know this has been a downer of an entry. I am sorry about that, but this is the kind of crap that I think about sometimes.... Go figure. Oh and hey, haven't had a nightmare in almost 2 months!!! I most likely just jinxed myself, but I am proud of that accomplishment.... Yay me!!!!! Ciao....